Eh...

I know no one reads these, but I might as well dump some stuff here just for the sake of it. This is a more personal post, so don't expect anything insightful for once. I really don't feel like it tonight :(

I've been having a real rough time trying to figure out what decisions I should make in life lately. Should I seek answers that make other people feel better, or follow decisions that make me feel better? Because usually, the two choices are polar opposites of eachother, and choosing to do one always brings about consequences. Most of my life, I have performed my best to make others feel good with little happiness for me. Usually, knowing that I helped someone else makes me feel happy, but with the emotional strain that I've been under lately, I don't know what to do anymore. There are many, MANY things that I really want to get off my chest, but I don't know if it's the right thing to do. I fear that the things I say will bring about more than I bargained for, and I shy away from these things and attempt to fix my problem by helping someone else.

As I said, this usually warrants the satisfaction I desired. But lately, I just can't keep myself stable. I find myself shutting down and becoming delirious. As dramatic as that may sound, I just can't figure out the cause. This strain I'm putting on myself is too much for me to handle, but it's not intentional by any means. I really try to look out for myself, as well as those dear to me. But there is always someone out there to make me fail. The amount of effort I put into my daily routines never goes without hardships, as there is always someone who tries their hardest to see me fall.

Eh...such is life I suppose. I may be stressing it to much. It's probably nothing to get worked up about, and I should just move on. The thing is...I just can't. Especially when every thing I am concerned about is a part of my daily activities. I won't get into it now, as I'm desperately trying to fight a losing battle in my mind, but everything that could ever go wrong is a part of my daily routine. I can't avoid it...so I'm stuck with either fighting it...or just letting it go. I have encountered enough hardships in my life...more than I could hope for. I can easily shrug off a few annoyances. But when I am struck with them everyday...I don't know how long I can keep up.

Hopefully things will settle down in time, and everything will become clear. I desperately try to view the brighter side of things, and to hope for a better tomorrow.

I know no good deed goes un-awarded. I've experienced the satisfaction before. But the wait itself is a challenge in it's own right. I'm just hoping for that one "big" break...a sort of miracle that will truly make me and the few people I truly care for happy.